10 Signs You May Be an Adult Child

Four years ago I had never even heard the term ‘adult child’ now I use it every day – in my coaching, my writing and my work as a change catalyst. The more I work with it, the deeper I understand it and the more convinced I become that we are all – to varying degrees – adult children.

Have a look at the these 10 traits and see if any sound familiar:

1. You struggle to ask for help

2. You feel responsible when people disappoint you

3. You are motivated by the unconscious belief: “if I were better it would be better”

4. Other people’s needs and desires take precedence over your own

5. You haven’t felt good enough at any of the jobs you have had

6. You haven’t felt good enough in any of the relationships you have had

7. You seek approval but don’t really trust it when it comes

8. When your boss says ‘this aspect of your work could be better’ you hear ‘you are not good enough’

9. You feel compelled to make things better for everyone else.

10. You often feel voiceless and choiceless.

If more than a couple of these apply to you, you are in very good company; most of the people I know, and all of the people I love, are adult children.

The good news is that you can break free of the challenging aspects of being an adult child, and embrace and celebrate the unique strengths and talents that come with it – you can change how you are while retaining who you are.

These ten signs? They all used to apply to me. Every last one, and a whole lot more for added flavour. And now, after reading, writing, and coaching (myself and others) I am happy to say that most of the time (I do have the occasional lapse) I am free of all of them.

To get more of a sense of adult children and the work I do, have a listen to this blog talk radio show I did with Barbara Brady Goldberg a few days ago.