There is no Self-Sabotage, just Self-Rescue!

I have long held the view that there is very little self-sabotage, only self-rescue in disguise. Last week confirmed it for me resoundingly.

I was supposed to go to the Martha Beck Coaches Summit in Phoenix, Arizona last week.  I was going to be running two breakout sessions, giving an 8 minute  “TED-style talk” and co-facilitating an integration track on writing. I was excited. Prepared. All packed up and ready to go.

I got to the airport early enough to check in leisurely, have a late lunch and buy some South African liqueurs from the duty free.  And then at the check in counter I discovered that I had left my visa for the USA behind!   

A flurry of activity ensued.  I got on the phone, frantically trying to direct the discovery of my old passport (with the visa inside) and its journey to me at the airport.  The nice lady at the check-in counter very gently pointed out that it was impossible for me to still make the plane that evening.  She tried to get me on a later flight to another city, but that flight was full.  So she booked me onto the next day’s flight.  I had a day to spare so that would work – I would arrive in Phoenix after 30 straight hours of flying, 5 take-offs and descents and a 9 hour time difference.  But I was up for it.

Sitting on the train going back home, I wondered what the reason for my unusual behaviour (I really am a most efficient being) could be.  As I sat quietly for the first time in days, I became more and more aware that my left ear felt as though it had been forgotten in a swimming pool. For some days I had vaguely noticed that my ear felt a bit odd, but I had been so busy with leaving preparations and so excited to go that I had ignored it.

I am an adult child.

We tend to drive ourselves to the point of collapse. 

We also have an over-developed sense of responsibility towards others, often at our own expense. 

We struggle to ask for help.

We are prone to burn-out…

Leaving my visa behind forced to do exactly what I encourage my clients to do – work out how I may have been rescuing, rather than sabotaging, myself.  I made an appointment to see the doctor the next morning – just to set my mind at rest.

Turns out I have “Eustachian Tube Dysfunction” which is a very fancy way of saying that my ears aren’t working properly and are unable to equalize.  Flying for any amount of time in this condition would have been impossibly painful and would have put the health of my ears at severe risk.

For moment or two, I considered throwing caution to the wind and going anyway. But then my calm, rational, adult self stepped and took charge. I canceled the trip. I was desperately disappointed not to be going to the summit and felt so bad about letting the organizers down at the almost-last minute, but it was what needed to be done.

I have spent over a week resting and getting better. As my health – and my hearing – returns I am more and more grateful to my unconscious self (and quite possibly my Guardian Angels) for intervening and rescuing me from what would surely have been a hellish journey.

We may not always choose the most productive way to rescue ourselves from approaching pain (real or imagined), but I am more convinced than ever that there is no such thing as self-sabotage – just self-rescue.

What do you think?  I would love to hear your own self-rescue stories…

Tags: adult child | asking for help | burn out | self-rescue | self-sabotage