Self-Sabotage or Self-Rescue?
I often witness clients beating themselves up (sometimes literally as well as figuratively) for getting in their own way. They get really cross with themselves for wasting an opportunity, messing up an interview or not studying hard enough for an exam.
“I don’t know what I keep sabotaging myself” they wail.
I don’t know why they do it either but I am pretty sure that there is a reason, and probably a good one. It may be an unexpected reason but a good one nonetheless.
Because, to be honest, I am not even sure that there is such a thing as self-sabotage
I have this theory that what looks like self-sabotage is actually self- rescue.
We are quick to judge ourselves negatively but I truly believe that our True Self knows what is good for us and makes unconscious decisions in our best interests a lot of the time.
So it may seem that we are sabotaging ourselves by being unprepared for an interview when the truth is that we are actually saving ourselves from a job that we know (deep down inside) that we will hate. And running out of petrol on the way to a party may look like disorganization, but perhaps it is by (unconscious) design to keep away from people and situations that are not good for us.
Of course we punish ourselves sometimes, but it looks very different to how we expect it to look. Rather than trying too little, we try too hard. I think what may pass for self-sabotage looks like working too hard, not eating properly, not getting enough sleep and various other ways we try to do too much and take care of ourselves too little. The paradox is that we judge ourselves negatively for not pushing ourselves hard enough, rather than for pushing ourselves too hard.
Think about the last time you berated yourself for tripping yourself up. Was it really self-sabotage? Or was it self-rescue?
Think about the areas in your life that you are pushing yourself forward in. Is all of that pushing healthy? Or is there some self-punishment going on?
PS Come to my Strategic Planning for Your Life workshop on Sunday 24 November to get clear about what you want for and from your life so you won’t have to rescue yourself from what you don’t want!
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Tags: coaching | look after yourself | save yourself | self-rescue | self-sabotage | trip yoursel up | true self
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