Meet them where they are

by Judy Klipin

For some reason (some) coaches feel that a ‘proper’ coaching session is only a coaching session when the client leaves with a new skill, an epiphany, a new life-path, a personality change, or any or all of the above. There has to be a lot of ‘heavy-lifting’ and technical work in each session.  The client has to be radiantly transformed and the coach should be humbled and grateful for the opportunity to guide their client to Nirvana.

Codswallop is what I say. 

Loudly and emphatically:

Codswallop!

A ‘proper’ coaching session is whatever the client needs it to be.  If the client needs to rant about their horrible boss, hear them.  If they need to cry over a break-up, be there for them. If they need to process their change-pain, give them the space.

I have lost count of the number of times the coaches I mentor and supervise have expressed concern about not ‘using enough tools’ in their coaching sessions. There’s a belief that coaching equals tools.

But it doesn’t.

The tools are not the destination. Tools are there to help us with the process of coaching. Increased insight, feeling empowered to make positive choices and changes, and improved self-understanding and acceptance are what we work towards.  And there are many different ways to get there.

To be sure, we should not provide a space for wallowing and stuck-ness, but we do need to meet the client where they are. It may take a few sessions for them to start moving away from the heartbreak, frustration and fear they are experiencing.  It may be some time before the coach feels that they’ve helped make a difference.

And that’s ok. 

Our own intuition as coaches, and the inner wisdom of our clients, guide us that destination. 

Sometimes with the help of tools. 

Often not.

Feeling overwhelmed in your life, work or relationships?

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