Eight Ways to Regain Control

Local and global events have been unsettling and even alarming of late. There is so much that is unpredictable, and out of our control. Rather than allowing that which we can’t change to destabilise us, now is the time to turn our attention to what we can influence and control; our own habits, choices and actions. Here are eight ideas to help you feel more contained.

1. Stop being ‘otherscentred’.

Otherscentred is what I call the habit so many of us have of putting everybody else first and ourselves last. When we are otherscentred, we put everybody else and their needs (or what we imagine their needs to be) at the centre of our focus and attention, while we and our needs and desires are relegated to the periphery of our own lives. Otherscentredness makes us forget what we need and want, forget to look after ourselves, and forget to honour ourselves. Over time, it makes us feel exhausted, burned out and resentful.

In order to stop being otherscentred, we need to turn our attention to ourselves – not in a selfish way, but in a self-respecting way. Find and honour yourself through self-care, self-love, self-compassion, becoming self-actualised and centred within yourself. Do something for yourself every day!

2. Create oases of calm and quiet

Our instinct, when we are feeling overworked, overwhelmed and over-committed, is to try to do more. But sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is nothing. Because we don’t always make the best choices when we are in a panic-driven, exhaustion-fuelled state of mind and body.

We all need quiet time to come to do nothing. To just be with yourself and in yourself. To make a space in your outer world that supports a space in your inner world. To make a space that allows you to remember who you are and what is important to you.

Drink your morning tea outside with the birds, go for a gentle walk in silence, pray, journal, meditate or drive to work with the radio off. Whatever form your oasis takes, just 10 to 15 minutes of stillness and silence every day will help you to connect with your spirit and will give you the strength and sustenance you need to get through the rest of your day.

Because when you have done enough of nothing, you’ll be able to do everything that much more effectively.

3. Find your people

When we are too busy to think straight, when we feel assaulted by the bad news confronting us every day, when we feel overwhelmed by the demands of our hectic lives, there is a temptation to turn inward. To batten down the hatches and go below deck for a while. To opt out of society.

I understand it completely. I do it myself often. The lure of some quiet time in my own company is strong. I firmly believe that regular and frequent alone (or ‘me’) time is essential for any- and every-body’s well-being. But, as with all good things, moderation is key.

Too much alone time can leave us feeling lonely, isolated, disconnected.

Life can begin to feel more overwhelming, more frightening, less meaningful. The very feelings and experiences we are trying to protect ourselves from become a reality.

Because we need community.

We need to see and be seen. Hear and be heard. Love and be loved.

4. Ask for and accept help

One of the many reasons we get burnout is because we don’t like to ask for help. And we don’t like to accept help that is offered, either. We try to do everything for everyone, all by ourselves. And it is exhausting!

You can make your life so much easier when you allow yourself to ask for and to receive help. If you are lost, ask for directions. If you are too busy, ask to share the load. If you are sad, ask to be comforted.

If you are offered assistance, accept it. After all, “letting people help you is letting people love you.”

5. Just say no

We struggle to say no because, in our otherscentredness, we feel we have to do everything that is asked of us; we don’t want to disappoint others, or we are scared that we will be missing out on something, or that we will never be asked again. But unless we start being more discerning about what we agree to and what we say no to, we will continue to feel overwhelmed and exhausted.

Some ways of saying no could include:

• Not answering a call from a friend who you know drains you,
• Recording a favourite late-night programme so that you can go to bed at a reasonable hour,
• Turning down an invitation to a social event you don’t want to attend.

As Byron Katie so wisely observed, ‘a no to someone else is a yes to me’ — say yes to you!

6. Nourish yourself

When we are exhausted, burned out and running on empty, we tend to eat all the wrong things. Our depleted and over-stimulated bodies crave sugar, salt, caffeine and carbs. And the more we eat the sugar, salt, caffeine and carbs, the more we crave them. We need, instead, to nourish our body, mind and soul by eating nourishing food, thinking nourishing thoughts and doing nourishing things. Make eating good foods easy by filling the fridge with easy to eat fresh fruit and veggies so you are ready for snack-attacks and don’t have to waste precious time and energy thinking about what to cook.

7. Get a move on

Even gentle exercise lets oxygen in and stress out, releases adrenaline and gets the blood flowing. It helps you sleep better and improves your appetite for healthy food. Make daily exercise a priority.

8. Nurture yourself with nature

When clients come to me suffering from exhaustion, overwhelm, burnout, a feeling of disconnection or stuckness the first thing I recommend is that they spend time every day in nature.

They don’t have to do anything there (in fact the less they do, the better) they just have to be there. Because there is nothing that brings us back to ourselves and calms us down better than being outside and in the elements.

And the good news is that it is all around us!

It is in the birds, animals, plants and flowers. The seasons and the weather, the sun and the moon and the stars, light and dark – nature is hard at work in every nook and cranny.

Moving forward

It is understandable if you feel concerned that incorporating these 8 ideas into your daily life will only add to your overwhelm and exhaustion. In truth, though, they all add up to making your to-do list shorter, more focused and easier to accomplish.

It really isn’t hard or scary and once you start you will see how effective these habits can be. If you make sure to do them every day they will definitely help you to feel more in control of your own life and will increase your daily joy quotient.

Tags: ask for help | asking for help | be happy | energy | exhaustion | look after yourself | nurture yourself in nature | overwhelm | regain control | resilience | rest | selfcare | trust the process