Dump the Situationship for a REALationship

by Judy Klipin

I love the concept of a ‘situationship’ (actually I don’t love the concept so much as I love the name for the concept): not a relationship, not a friendship, but an ill-defined situation that exists between two people.

We’ve all been there and done that. We’ve met someone who made our heart (or our hormones) go pitter-patter. We’ve constructed a fantasy about who they are and what our life together is going to look like. (Perfect, obviously.)

We’ve been so caught up in the dream that we forgot to pay attention to the reality.

And then, when reality bites, we were so invested in our fantasy that we felt we had to keep going. Like a gambling addict who keeps throwing good money after bad, we stuck in the ‘situationship’ and tried to make it more like our dream and less like the reality.

We’ve all tried to love someone into being who we want them to be.

One of the things I cover in my coaching is the concept of acceptance; the importance of telling ourselves the truth and seeing what really is, rather than what we wish it would be.

One of our biggest struggles is accepting that there are some things – some people, some events, some disappointments – that we cannot influence or change. As hard as we try, and as much as we wish and hope, we can’t change anyone but ourselves.

All that happens when we try to change what is not ours to change is that we exhaust ourselves, both physically and emotionally. We get more disappointed and more disillusioned. More frustrated and more frayed. Our boundaries get less clear and more blurred. It doesn’t get us anywhere useful or good.

We need to accept that there are some things that we just can’t change. Acceptance does not mean defeat, but it does mean telling ourselves the truth about a situation (and maybe even a situationship).

Being in a situationship can be very destructive and miserable-making. And it keeps us stuck in a neither/nor kind of no-man’s land. Situationships stop us from moving on and making the space for a real relationship; a REALationship.

Rather than being in love with who you want someone to be, cut your losses and find someone who you can love for who they really are.

If you’ve had enough of unsatisfying relationships Say Yes to Your Own Success may be what you are looking for. It is an 8-session online group coaching programme designed to help you understand how (and why) you get in the way of your own success. You will learn tools and skills to get ahead in love, work, and life in general. It starts on 16 February, so sign up now.

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