Items tagged with "adult child":
Another F-word
It goes without saying that this time – the Covid Time – is a time of great anxiety and fear. Most of us are on high alert most of the time, and our bodies, which have an automatic safety mechanism to keep us safe and protect us from harm, are too. It doesn’t matter if the threat is real or imagined,...
Recover from your Childhood: Interview with Creamer Media
I was interviewed about my book Recover from your Childhood by Sane Dhlamini of Creamer Media.
You Are Good Enough As You Are
I work with many clients, from a wide range of backgrounds. Almost all of them share at least some of the characteristics and limiting beliefs of adult children. One of the most common of these is the belief I like to call, “if I were better it would be better.” Growing up, children in chaotic...
Are You An Adult Child?
You don’t have to be an ACoA (Adult Child of Alcoholics) to be an adult child. An adult child is anyone who had a childhood that was inconsistent or unpredictable in some way or for some time*. This could be due to alcohol or drugs (or any kind of addictions) but could also be because of lots of...
Understanding Loyalty
“Adult Children are intensely loyal, even in the face of clear evidence that that loyalty is misplaced.” Janet Woititz* When we are little, we depend on our parents or caregivers for our survival. The grown ups are literally the only things standing between us and extinction. We love them with...
I am a Renovator, not a Cheerleader
Some people need someone to help them stay motivated and on track to make and meet their goals. They need a Cheerleader to stand in their corner, pick them up when they fall down and cheer them on when they do well. Others need someone to help them dig a little deeper to understand why they are the way...
There’s a Lot of Good in All of Us
Thoughtful, generous, creative, resilient and dependable. These are some of the qualities of adult children that we don’t pay so much attention to. Because we ‘judge ourselves without mercy’ we tend to look for the negative – the bits that we want to change. But there is so much that is positive...
Just Say No! to Burnout
There are many wonderful things about being an adult child (we are loyal, responsible, reliable, good problem-solvers, good in a crisis and self-effacing). Burnout is not one of them. Burnout is a state of exhaustion, of overwhelm, of ‘having nothing left to give.’ Burnout leaves us feeling...
3 Steps to Getting Unstuck
Feeling stuck is horrible. That sensation of spinning in infinity on a hamster wheel (often of our own making but sometimes not), or being imprisoned in a web that we have weaved around ourselves is nasty beyond description. Feeling stuck sucks. It keeps us in situations that we don’t want to...
Meet them where they are
For some reason (some) coaches feel that a ‘proper’ coaching session is only a coaching session when the client leaves with a new skill, an epiphany, a new life-path, a personality change, or any or all of the above. There has to be a lot of ‘heavy-lifting’ and technical work in each session. ...
What’s in a name?
I often struggle with knowing how to name and describe what I do. 'Coach' is such a loose term; there are so many different kinds of coaches and so many different approaches to and philosophies of coaching. Many of them I am deeply respectful of. Some, unfortunately, I am deeply suspicious of. (I...
O is for…
...Others-centred The opposite of self-centred, when we are others-centred we put everybody else first and ourselves last. We do what others expect of us - or what we think others expect of us. We feel responsible for others. We consider others before we consider ourselves. It is exhausting...
M is for…Mind Your Own Business
Mind Your Own Business Byron Katie says that there are three kinds of business in the world: my business, your business and G-d’s business. She says that much of our discomfort and anxiety comes from getting out of our own business, or allowing others into our business. When we are in other...
L is for…
...some lovely words: Live Your own life In the here and now On your terms Life to the fullest Love Yourself Your life Your choices Your world Learn To ask for and accept help To receive love To say "no" To treat yourself as well as you...
I’m only human, after all
I am a good coach. Actually that is not true – what is more honest is that I am an excellent coach. As much as it pains me to write that, it is the truth. I know it is. I am not one to blow my own horn. I have a superstitious and childlike fear that when I say – never mind write – such...
Soul Celebration
Tonight I am exhausted and exhilarated. Exhausterated, if you will. That odd, but beautiful experience of being physically and mentally worn out, but emotionally, spiritually and relationally fed and nurtured. My day started at 8:30am with me teaching a two-hour adult child coach training class. ...
Coaching All Over the World
I am South African. We subscribe to the principle of Ubuntu which, roughly translated, means "a person is a person because of other people". It is polite to make eye contact, acknowledge and greet everyone we meet on our way - whether we know them or not. We also like to get together to discuss...
Regaining and Maintaining Your Energy After Burnout
It is halfway through the year already and it is time to take stock of energy levels. Here is a quick quiz to help you assess if you have - or are approaching - burnout: Are you beginning to resent your family, friends and/or co-workers because you feel that you look after everyone else and don't...
Growing Back in the Hurt Places
I am working with my graphic designer to develop the badge for the adult child coaches I certify to work with my materials. I am excited about what we have so far. Two starfish on a radiant background. It captures everything about the work that we do, simply and powerfully. If you have read my book...
There is no Self-Sabotage, just Self-Rescue!
I have long held the view that there is very little self-sabotage, only self-rescue in disguise. Last week confirmed it for me resoundingly. I was supposed to go to the Martha Beck Coaches Summit in Phoenix, Arizona last week. I was going to be running two breakout sessions, giving an 8 minute ...