Items tagged with "others-centred.":

Another F-word

It goes without saying that this time – the Covid Time – is a time of great anxiety and fear. Most of us are on high alert most of the time, and our bodies, which have an automatic safety mechanism to keep us safe and protect us from harm, are too. It doesn’t matter if the threat is real or imagined,...

3 Habits to Reverse Burnout

Every aspect of life is affected by burnout. When we have burnout, we are not just physically tired or emotionally delicate. We don’t just feel existentially unsure or question all our life choices. It’s not only that our brains feel mushy and we struggle to remember things. We are not merely easily...

Women and Burnout

Every year, there is much attention and fanfare about International Women’s day. The week that 8 March falls in is filled with news and views about women and the importance of recognising our importance. While some people are not convinced that there should be a day dedicated to thinking about women...

Plan to Spend Your Energy Wisely

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can;  and wisdom to know the difference. ~ The Serenity Prayer Most of us are not short of courage or of wisdom. We are brave and wise beyond our years, and always have been. We have fought hard to...

Set Your Own Agenda for 2019

If you are anything like many of the people in my immediate orbit, you have found yourself limping towards the end of the year feeling more than a little dazed and confused. How did we get to the end of the year so quickly? And, at the same time, why did it take so long? Why do I feel so tired...

All We Really Need is Breathing Space

One of the many reasons we choose to work is because of the stimulation that is promised by going out and doing a job every day. We are stimulated by the work that we do, the people who we do it with, and by the environment that we work in. If we are lucky, that stimulation is predominantly positive....

From AlwaysOn to OftenOff

Happy Equinox! The 21st of March, in addition to being Human Rights Day in South Africa, is the Autumn/Spring Equinox. All over the planet, day and night both last 12 hours - give or take a few minutes. Dark and light are equally balanced. The sun and the stars get equal airtime. Nocturnal creatures...

Burnout: When You Know Better, You Can Do Better

Eight years ago, when I first started to think, talk and write about Burnout, it was a relatively unusual and unique concept. Now, Burnout is the buzzword. Everyone seems to be talking about it and, sadly, lots of people seem to be experiencing it... On the surface it would appear to be Very Bad that...

Burnout Makes Us Feel Hapless, Hopeless and Helpless

We all have moments in our lives when we feel a little at sea and as though we have lost our way. When we feel as though we are bobbing around; isolated, lonely and afraid. When we question many of our life choices: work, love, friendships… Like a boat in a storm. We don’t know where we are going...

Sometimes the Best Thing You Can Do for Yourself Is Nothing

You know that feeling of overwhelm? Of having so much to do that you don’t know where to start? That “there’s-too-much-to-do-and-not-enough-time-to-do-it-in-and-I-have-to-do-more-be-more-say-more-earn-more-play-more-love-more-laugh-more-exercise-more-lose-more-weight-eat-fewer-carbs-and-still-be-happy”...

Burnout: A Dying of Your Light

You know that feeling when you wake up and it feels like you haven’t had enough sleep – no matter how many hours ago you went to bed? Or that experience of being less articulate than usual: you know that you know the words you are looking for but you just can’t seem to find them? Or that...

Don’t Forget to Remember Yourself

How many times have you got into bed at night and remembered that you forgot to do something you promised yourself that morning? Many of us spend all of our waking moments thinking about others, listening to others and doing things for others. It is often only in the calm and quiet that descends when...

O is for…

...Others-centred The opposite of self-centred, when we are others-centred we put everybody else first and ourselves last.  We do what others expect of us  - or what we think others expect of us.  We feel responsible for others.  We consider others before we consider ourselves. It is exhausting...

I is for…

I The word ‘life’ has the letter I in the centre.  Which is exactly where we should be in our own lives. This does not come naturally to adult children, who tend to be what I call ‘others-centred’ – we put others at the centre of our lives and ourselves on the outside, looking in. Looking...

E is for…

…Ebb and Flow Like the sea, life is an endless cycle of tides coming in and going out. All aspects of our lives – relationships, work, money, health, growth, - go through cycles of good and bad. When we can see that life is one big cycle of change, with countless smaller cycles within that,...

Telling My Own Story

One of the recurring themes in my practice is working with my clients to help them to identify where they are being ‘others-centred.’  Where they are putting other people’s needs (real or imagined) above their own.  We all do it  - try to look after others at our own expense.  We don’t mean...

Adult Children and Burnout

I spent most of March resting.  I was supposed to go to America but was grounded by my ear (please see previous blog post!). I found myself at home with nearly three weeks blocked out of my diary. For about three seconds I considered filling the time with work and then I was overwhelmed by a need...