Take a Risk
Being true to yourself can feel risky. But with fewer risks there are fewer rewards
As adult children, we are hardwired to please others – to become what I call ‘others-centered’.
We go to great lengths to keep the people around us happy.
This is particularly true with the people we love. We want to be loved back, so we tend to be overly accommodating – often at great cost to ourselves. We say yes when we mean no. We laugh when we want to cry. We stay when we want to go.
Risk averse behaviour may feel safe, but it isn’t very rewarding. We may well be keeping the people around us happy, but how about keeping ourselves happy?
The perceived risk of rejection is so great that we choose to be true to others rather than to ourselves.
One of the hardest behaviour changes for adult children to make is to remove ourselves from the periphery of our lives, and place ourselves at the centre. To think about how we really feel about something before agreeing to do it. To think about where we really want to be and who we want to be there with. To think about what is important to us and what will make us feel good.
When we do allow ourselves to be ‘self’ rather than ‘others’ centred, when we take that risk, the rewards are often surprising.
After years of going on holiday with her husband David’s family, Michelle admitted to him that she hated all the bickering and squabbling and never enjoyed the time away- she only went to make him happy. To her surprise (and considerable relief) David replied that he also hated those family holidays, and was only going because he thought Michelle enjoyed them! Go figure…two others-centred people trying to please their partner and failing themselves and each other.
Imagine if we could find happiness for ourselves, AND have happy and healthy relationships with others?
I think we can. I know I do. And I know you can too.
Take a risk and enjoy the reward!
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