Why am I so tired when I am doing what I love?

It’s very confusing. How can we, as coaches, have traded in the dead-end, soulless job to be doing work that we love, serving everyone else’s and our own higher good and still be feeling tired, overwhelmed, teary and sometimes downright homicidal?

Over and over I see coaches who are feeling exhausted and overwhelmed despite doing what they love. They are experiencing Compassion Fatigue, and I know all about it…

There I was, a couple of years into my coaching career, doing work that I had dreamed of doing for so long. And I was doing it well and building my practice successfully; some weeks I was seeing up to 25 clients in a week. I had a publishing deal with Penguin (PENGUIN!!!!!) for a book that Martha Beck (MARTHA BECK!!!!) was writing the foreword for.

My coaching career had exceeded my expectations.

And I couldn’t enjoy it.

I was stressed, tired and anxious. I was keeping it together at work and was able to be present, engaged and professional with my clients, but outside of my work I was weepy, irritable and exhausted.

The truth was that I was over-extended.

I had racked up a not inconsiderable overdraft in the pursuit of my coaching qualification, compounded by my abandoning of all former means of income in favour of building my coaching practice (not something I recommend you try at home).

My growing debts, combined with my genuine delight with and enthusiasm for coaching, led me to take on too many clients. And because I was still relatively new in the game and little unsure of just how much value I was adding, I was doing all of this for too little money.

Too many clients, not enough income, excitement and anxiety about having to deliver on a real, grown-up, professional book contract… it all added up to exhaustion and overwhelm.

And a sense of deep disappointment and betrayal.

Why – after all the effort, energy, enthusiasm (and money) I had put into changing things and creating “the life I was meant to live” – was I back here again? Back in the grips of the on-off relationship I had had with Burnout for years.

Back to the reading room I went. And I discovered that I was suffering from Compassion Fatigue: a strain of Burnout that is confusing because it isn’t necessarily about doing too much or having too little time.

Compassion Fatigue is often referred to as “the cost of caring” because it is a response to the ongoing stress of caring for others.

It is a feeling of emotional, physical, and/or spiritual exhaustion arising from caring for people, particularly people in significant emotional pain and/or physical distress. Any profession or pastime that requires us to show others compassion on an ongoing basis bears the risk of compassion fatigue.

Armed with this new knowledge, and a name for what I was experiencing (I always feel better when I can put a name to something) I was able to adjust the way that I work to look after myself better so that I can do my job better:

• I go to supervision to help me make sense of what comes up for me when I am coaching my clients
• I see fewer clients
• I structure my time more efficiently
• I get more rest
• I take more holidays
• I ask for help where I can

Compassion Fatigue is real and needs to be taken seriously. Please, if you are feeling like you are giving everything to your clients at the expense of the rest of your life, pay attention. Look after yourself so you can look after others.

I’ve written a little eBook about Compassion Fatigue and how to support yourself through it. You can download it free here.

I also offer support and sanctuary to others suffering from Compassion Fatigue – you can read about that here.

Tags: adult child coach | coach the coach | coach training | compassion fatigue | life coach | life coaching | overwhelm | time management

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