Items tagged with "adult children":

Another F-word

It goes without saying that this time – the Covid Time – is a time of great anxiety and fear. Most of us are on high alert most of the time, and our bodies, which have an automatic safety mechanism to keep us safe and protect us from harm, are too. It doesn’t matter if the threat is real or imagined,...

Recover from your Childhood: Interview with Creamer Media

I was interviewed about my book Recover from your Childhood by Sane Dhlamini of Creamer Media.

You Are Good Enough As You Are

I work with many clients, from a wide range of backgrounds. Almost all of them share at least some of the characteristics and limiting beliefs of adult children. One of the most common of these is the belief I like to call, “if I were better it would be better.” Growing up, children in chaotic...

Are You An Adult Child?

You don’t have to be an ACoA (Adult Child of Alcoholics) to be an adult child. An adult child is anyone who had a childhood that was inconsistent or unpredictable in some way or for some time*. This could be due to alcohol or drugs (or any kind of addictions) but could also be because of lots of...

Adults Are Allowed to Have Fun

Many of us believe that our lives as adults should either be grown up and filled with responsibility and drudgery OR carefree, fun and exciting. We feel we have to choose between maturity and immaturity. Between boredom and exuberance. But there’s another option: you can be mature and have fun,...

Swings *and* Roundabouts

I have two different (but increasingly complimentary) skill sets. For many years I was involved crime and violence prevention research, training and policy development.  I traveled around the country – and even the sub-continent – doing fascinating work in amazing places with inspiring people. And...

J is for….

Jupiter Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and Adult Children are from Jupiter*! Just as men and women have different ways of thinking, perceiving and behaving, so do adult children.  We have a whole set of characteristics that make us who we are. Complicated?  Yes.  But also strong,...

I is for…

I The word ‘life’ has the letter I in the centre.  Which is exactly where we should be in our own lives. This does not come naturally to adult children, who tend to be what I call ‘others-centred’ – we put others at the centre of our lives and ourselves on the outside, looking in. Looking...

H is for…

…Honest One of the characteristics of adult children is that we tell little lies when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.  Not big, corruption-laden lies, but small white lies designed to keep us from being hurt. “I don’t mind,” we say, when what we mean is “I do mind.  A lot.” Or...

F is for…

...Friends and Family It is so easy to be all things to all people and no-thing to yourself. Drop everything to look after a friend in need?  No problem. Postpone a self-care task to take care of someone else?  Without thinking twice. Honour commitments you have made to others? Absolutely. Honour...

If You Were Better It Wouldn’t Be Better

As a life coach I work with many clients, from a wide range of backgrounds. Almost all of them share at least some of the characteristics and limiting beliefs of adult children.  One of the most common of these is the belief “if I were better it would be better.” At a young age children believe...

Forgetting Fear and Finding Freedom

Sometimes it takes an animal to show you how you are. I have just come back from a blissful five days in Botswana.   Five days of warmth and sunshine, good food, good company and excellent game viewing.  The moon was new, so the nights were dark and the stars spectacular. There is something...

Adult Children and Burnout

I spent most of March resting.  I was supposed to go to America but was grounded by my ear (please see previous blog post!). I found myself at home with nearly three weeks blocked out of my diary. For about three seconds I considered filling the time with work and then I was overwhelmed by a need...

What Colour is Your Canary?

How do you know when you are doing something that is putting your happiness and fulfillment in danger?  In the olden days, before sophisticated gadgetry was invented to do the same job, miners used to take a few canaries underground with them.  If any of the birds started to have difficulty breathing...

Letting People Help You is Letting People Love You

Adult children often prefer to be a helper rather than a helpee.  We find it easier to be helpful – sometimes we even feel the need to be indispensable so that we are not forgotten about – than to allow ourselves to be helped. Adult children struggle to ask for help.  We think that maybe...